i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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