so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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