I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
