just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
