I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
