If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
When are your genitals available?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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