Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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