I intend to get homeless drunk
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
40s are totally the cure
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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