i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
