this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
