No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
