so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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