Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
