Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
