she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
