Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
