Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
