I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
