absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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