I wish I could teleport
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
