I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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