i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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