Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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