it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
