cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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