I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
