Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
