His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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