I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
