Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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