I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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