I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
