This is not my ceiling
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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