Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
