I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
