3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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