i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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