Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
