i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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