We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
