what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
