dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
