So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
