Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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