watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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