Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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