mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
