Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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