Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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