i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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