I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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