Fuck appropriateness.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
