My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
